Hercules was one of the biggest heroes of ancient mythology. Why? It wasn’t necessarily the twelve labors he completed. It was because he had made a choice. He chose hardship over an easy life. When he came to a crossroads, he could go in one direction full of all the temptations you can imagine and have an easy life. He would never experience pain, hardship, or fear. Or he could go in the other direction where the only reward would be hard work and the results he achieved on his own. It would be a difficult journey full of danger, obstacles, and sacrifices. It would be the path of heroes. Hercules chose the hard way. He chose virtue over vice. He chose purpose.

Hercules was virtuous and he was courageous. We don’t talk about courage much, as we see it mostly in situations where it is exhibited physically. Soldiers running into the breach, firefighters into a flaming building, and passersby jumping into dangerous waters to save a child.

But courage also means starting a business on your own, standing up to bullies, voicing unpopular opinions, and generally giving yourself to initiatives where success is not assured.

When you take risks, you show courage. When you commit to something, you act courageously. When you persevere against all odds, you are courageous.

Fear As A Lifestyle Choice

Why do we praise courage so much? Why do we put heroes like Hercules on a pedestal? Because courage is much rarer than we would want it. We are all full of fears that make us act cowardly or at least not courageously. We fear failure. We fear what others would say. We fear the sacrifices we would have to make. We fear the unknown.

“Fear is a lifestyle. Living in fear is something you have to choose. Being scared of a lion that jumps in front of you doesn’t make you a coward. Choosing a life in fear does.”

Fight or flight reflex is deeply rooted in our makeup. It is natural to be scared. If a lion jumps in front of you, you will get scared. But it will only be a temporary emotional reaction that is not under your control. What you do next after the encounter with the lion will determine the quality of your life.

Will you choose to live in fear of lions for the rest of your life, never leaving the safe walls of your home? Or would you accept that lions are part of life and that there is nothing you can do about them and continue to wander into the bushes and pursue your life’s purpose to the fullest?

Fear is a lifestyle. Living in fear is something you have to choose. Being scared of a lion that jumps in front of you doesn’t make you a coward. Choosing a life in fear does.

Fears In Modern Life

So many things in the world are not under our control. There are so many things that can hurt us. But that doesn’t mean we should be constantly afraid of everything. A state of fear paralyzes us. When we live in fear, we can’t do our best work. We can’t be there for others. We can’t love. Fear permeates everything in our lives, and it makes us miserable. And it is our choice.

Most of the fears in modern society don’t come from our worry about survival but from worry about what others will think about us, what the future brings, and that we will fail.

Fear Of What Others Think About Us – You got to the office and found out you had a torn shirt. You feel embarrassed, and you even think about going back home. Your whole day is miserable, and you live it in fear that someone will notice. No one does. And even if they do, they don’t say anything. And even if they say something, they won’t remember tomorrow. It was no big deal. People have enough of their own problems to worry about yours.

Overrelying on what others think leads to paralysis. We are so afraid of it that we are not willing to try anything new. But not trying new things, not learning, and just maintaining the status quo leads to stagnation. We don’t grow. We don’t change as needed. We can’t succeed in life.

Fear Of The Future – We tend to catastrophize, to think that things will be worse than they turn out to be.

As the Stoic philosopher Seneca said, “We suffer more in our imagination more often than in reality.”

We are really bad at predicting the future. You are scheduled to make a speech in front of a bigger audience, and you worry for days, sleep badly, and even feel sick just before you get on stage. And then it goes reasonably well, and the day after, no one remembers that you had a speech.

Fear Of Failure – Playing things safe may feel like a safe strategy. But it often isn’t. You may be too afraid to take risks and take the initiative, so you wait for someone else to try it first. They do, and you are left behind. It applies to business as well as your personal life. Not to mention that safe decisions are average decisions, and they make us average people. And average means vulnerable in times of crisis. It may feel like you are playing it safe, but in reality, you are just handing your destiny to the hands of others. Instead of taking risks, making your own future, and making things happen to the world, you let the world make things happen to you.

Fear Of Social Interactions – The good thing, especially in human interactions, is that while you might be scared of talking to the other person, they might be scared of talking to you too. You may be scared about asking for a raise, but your boss is probably scared of having that conversation too. You may feel scared of an interview, that you may fail and not get the job, but the interviewer is scared of not hiring the right person. You might be scared to ask someone on a date, but they might be scared of asking you too. And if not scared, then at least uncomfortable. The discomfort is often mutual. But someone has to start.

The 21st century saw not only huge progress in technology but also an increasingly weak and fragmented society. We live in luxury never seen before, and we are becoming weak, physically and especially mentally. Someone disagrees with us, and we immediately take it personally, see it as a violent attack, and see the other party as an enemy. So we rant, sue, and blame them for all the evils in the world. The world has become a very binary place. Either you agree with me, or you are my enemy, and I don’t even want to hear what you want to say.

Fear Is More Comfortable Than Courage

In the old days, people believed in something bigger. They had religion. They believed in the government, their family, and their neighbors. Today, we claim to be religious while acting in the exact opposite of what the religion (regardless of which one) teaches us. We lost faith in the government. We don’t trust other people. It is just us against the world. What can one person do? So we get depressed and angry. We feel we don’t have our lives under control. And so we do nothing. We just cowardly sit in our place, blaming everyone and everything for our perceived misfortunes.

It is a very sorry attitude. It is an attitude of passivity. We “know” for a fact that one person can’t make a difference, and we use that “fact” as an excuse for not doing anything. But one person can make a huge difference. One person can change their life completely. One person can change the life of another person a lot. For better or worse. All it requires is the courage to get started.

If you don’t do anything, you fall into a state of apathy. Nothing matters anymore. You become a nihilist. You become a cynic. You stop caring about anything and anyone. You have no purpose. Your life has no meaning. You become nothing.

We are incredibly good at justifying our cowardice. We don’t want to speak up so we won’t anger our boss, who wouldn’t then promote us. And we want that promotion, not for ourselves, of course, but to be in a better position to do some good. And so we close our eyes to injustice and do the wrong thing so we can one day do the right thing, maybe.

The question to ask is, “Would I want to live in a world where everyone would act this cowardly as I did right now?” The answer most likely is that we wouldn’t want to live in a world full of selfish and self-serving people. It would be a sad, dangerous place without hope.

We Think About Courage Wrong

When we think about courage, we often think about it wrong. Getting aggressive against the mildest form of provocation is not courage. It is cowardice.

Cowards are those who are aggressive and hateful towards those who don’t share their opinions. Cowards are those who would rather hurt others than risk their own discomfort. Cowards are those who would rather fight than collaborate in peace.

It takes courage to stand by our opinions even when threatened. It takes courage not to go with the flow of hurting others only because others are doing it. It takes courage to keep our principles in the face of violence.

Madmen, Enablers, And Cowardice

History is full of madmen being able to do insane atrocities simply because they were surrounded by cowards. If you are unwilling to speak up or stand up to a bully, you are an enabler and a coward. Ultimately, you are complicit in whatever the bully decides to do. If someone had put Hitler in his place early on, the Second World War could have been prevented. But no one said anything. Hitler was surrounded by yes-men who said only what he wanted to hear. He was a coward who surrounded himself with other cowards.

It is so sad to see this repeated in the world today, where the top boss is surrounded by cowards afraid to speak up. If someone tries, the other cowards immediately put him in his or her place. Politicians, media, and everyone who has something to lose, rather than standing up for what is right, cowardly follow orders. They would rather repeat what their boss wants to hear than come up with a contrarian opinion. It is not only the boss. It is everyone who blindly and cowardly enables his or her actions who is responsible for the atrocities that follow. It takes courage to speak the truth to those in power.

It is our self-preservation instinct that often makes us act cowardly. And it is based on our overthinking of what could happen. If you don’t have much time to think, you will often do the right thing and act courageously. If you have more time to think, you will consider all the risks and all the unknowns, and you will hesitate.

Courage Is A Moral Obligation

Standing up to bullies, jerks, abusers, demagogues, dictators, cheaters, and even liars is our moral obligation. If you don’t stand up to them, you are cowardly enabling them. You are part of the problem.

It may take courage, but not tolerating these baddies is the right thing to do. Even if there might be negative consequences for you at the time. In the long term, it pays off as you build a bit more courage every time you stand up for what is right. You become a better person. You become more confident. You become someone who others respect and are willing to follow.

Fortune favors the bold. Courage also spurs from training and preparation. Thus my life motto: fortune favors the well-prepared.

Freedom Requires Courage And Sacrifice

Freedom doesn’t mean that you care only about yourself. Freedom requires you to care about others. Imagine how the world would look if freedom meant “I can do whatever I want.” It would be anarchy and full of nihilism. People wouldn’t care about anything or anyone. People would become ruthless and live in fear. You would never know what someone else may do in the name of their freedom.

Real freedom depends on the community and society. It requires us to care not only about our own good but also about the good of our fellow human beings. It requires us to be willing to sacrifice a bit of our own freedom for the freedom of society as a whole. Just remember all the soldiers who fought for our freedom against oppressive regimes. They were willing to risk their freedom, even their lives, for the ideal of freedom for everyone. They were brave and acted with courage.

We just lived through the Covid-19 pandemic, where the real face of society became painfully clear. Too many were willing to put others at risk in the name of their own freedom. “We have freedom, so no one can force me to wear a face mask or to get a vaccine.” Their personal freedom was more important than the freedom of society in general. Their “right” not to be inconvenienced by a face mask was more important than the right of others to live.

These “freedom fighters” often see themselves as brave souls who fight for democracy. In fact, they are cowards who fight for themselves, putting others and democracy at risk. It is those who spend endless hours caring for the sick, work hard to develop and distribute the vaccine, and endlessly try to explain to others what needs to be done to stop the pandemic regardless of how unpopular who were the heroes. That is real bravery. Doing what’s right not for ourselves but for the rest of society.

Courage And Duty Are The Bedrock Of Society

Courage and duty go hand in hand. It takes courage to perform our duty. We have a duty to society, our children, spouses, and parents. We have a duty to use our potential at our jobs and in life. We have a duty to be good citizens. We have a duty to do the right thing. Performing our duties can be hard and often requires us to sacrifice. And sacrifice requires courage.

Courage and duty are the bedrock of society. Without the courage to do what’s needed for the bigger good regardless of consequences for individuals, there would be no society in the first place.

Altruism requires selflessness. And selflessness requires us to courageously prioritize the good of others even if there is nothing in it for us personally.

Nowhere is this more visible than with volunteer soldiers who will go fight for their country, their tribe, and their families. They are willing to give their lives so others can survive. There is nothing in it for them. Just the knowledge they helped others. They bravely overcome their need for self-preservation to preserve the group. Without people like this, humans would be extinct a long time ago. We are here because of all the brave souls who lay down their lives for our survival.

Courage Comes From Preparation

Courage doesn’t come from nature. It comes from preparation. It is easier to be brave when you feel confident that you can deal with the threat because you have prepared for it. During the Second World War, the US Army gave each soldier a handbook outlining the importance of learning one’s job. Only by knowing one’s role and duties and being prepared can you conquer fear in the face of the enemy. You replace it with competence and with a clear mission. You don’t have time for fear because there is a job to do.

That’s why it is important to keep learning. The world is changing, and you need to change with it to avoid being afraid of it. You need to constantly adapt and train for the new types of adversity you may encounter. Then, when you do, you are not afraid because you know you are prepared. Your preparation made you confident. And confidence made you brave.

Courage Comes From Momentum

We often spend too much time overanalyzing and waiting for more data instead of just taking action. The time we spend waiting could be used to make progress and possibly deal with any unexpected fallout.

The best time to take action or to speak up was when the problem occurred. The second best time is now. Stop waiting and take action. Once you take action and get moving, you will start building momentum. And when things keep happening, there is little time to be afraid. Momentum gives you courage.

Courage Comes From Hope

When presented with injustice, silence is a sort of violence in its own right. Knowing that someone does something illegal, unethical, or unjust and staying quiet makes you complicit. It makes you a coward. It makes you someone who chooses to play it safe for your own benefit. You just stand and watch how someone else gets bullied, hurt, or taken advantage of. You are too afraid to intervene, as we worry about the impact on our future, jobs, reputation, and health. We could get fired, badmouthed, or injured. So, we are passive bystanders who do nothing. We become enablers of injustice. We act cowardly. We don’t get the courage. And therefore, we don’t have hope.

The ones who have courage see the world as a place that can get better. They believe they can make a difference. They have hope. And they spread hope around themselves. They become great leaders who show others a vision of a better world. Hope is inspiring. And hope breeds courage.

Courage Can Be Trained

To become more courageous, you train the skills you need to be ready for the future and train courage itself. If you get to practice doing one small thing that scares you every day, you become better and better and make courageous decisions. Are you too afraid to give a speech? Are you afraid of rejection when asking for a date or a salary increase? Do you worry about looking silly wearing a Halloween costume? These small things may not look so small to some, but doing them will eventually make you comfortable with the uncomfortable. You will be less afraid when presented with bigger problems in the future.

I love the concept of extreme ownership popularized by Jocko Willink. It teaches us not to avoid responsibility and not to blame others. Even things that may look at first glance like not your fault may indeed be caused by you not doing your best. Your boss shut down your request? Well, maybe you didn’t explain it as well as you could. Did you get stuck in a traffic jam and come late? Well, maybe you should have predicted the traffic would be heavy and start earlier.

You take ownership of everything in your life. And that takes courage. One of the most frequent examples of cowardice is the unwillingness to take responsibility for our decisions and actions. We blame others. We find excuses. We do everything but courageously own our lives.

Courage Can Be Tested

In The Antidote, Oliver Burkeman describes the most terrifying experience of his life. He performed a ritual of deliberate self-humiliation, a subway station exercise, as suggested by Albert Ellis, to show how irrational our fear of even a little inconvenience and embarrassment is.

The exercise works like this. You get on a subway, and when you approach a station, you break the silence and loudly say the name of the station you are approaching. Try it. It feels scary as you imagine all the weird looks from fellow passengers you will get. They will think you are crazy. It feels stressful. It takes courage. It also builds resistance and shows you that many things you are afraid of are no big deal at all. So what happens when you summon the courage to go on with the exercise? Nothing. People just don’t care. When you say the name of the station, few people will even notice. When you repeat it a couple of times in the consequent stations, all you may get is the stare of a curious child. And it will feel good and empowering.

As Burkeman notes, Ellis came up with other shame-attacking exercises. For example, he would send his clients to the streets asking them to stop random strangers and say to them: “Excuse me, I just got out of the lunatic asylum – can you tell me what year it is?” By doing this, the clients come to realize that they will be fine even if others believe they are crazy.

Putting It All Together

There are so many opportunities for exhibiting courage in our everyday lives.

Just think about those who sacrifice their lives to care about others. Those who forfeit their dream to be there for their elderly parents. Those who quit high-salaried jobs because they believe their employer is doing something unethical or creating products that make the world worse. Those who don’t give up easily in the face of adversity. Those who won’t be driven away from jobs they like by their jerk bosses. Those who put their reputation and even lives at stake to fight for what’s right.

Courage is important for any achievement. If you live in fear and never try anything, you will never achieve anything. You might be the most brilliant person on Earth, but your brilliance will not lead to success. It is your brilliance combined with courage.

Only by courageously stepping forward and starting an activity can you eventually finish it. You can’t reach your goal if you don’t even try.

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