We live in a VUCA world (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity), and as such, most of our anxieties and efforts, whether we realize it or not, come from the need to feel safe. We are looking for stability and security. And that is a rather unachievable goal when we do it by focusing on having more. More money, more possessions, more options, more motivation. The more we have, the more we can lose. Our anxiety rises.

1. Attachment Leads To Suffering

Stoicism and Buddhism suggest that attachment is the root cause of suffering. Our desires and aversions drive our actions, leading to misery. Rather than fully experiencing the present moment and appreciating what we have, we tend to cling to positive experiences and worry about negative ones, striving to avoid them at all costs. Embracing acceptance and non-attachment can greatly enhance the tranquility of our lives.

There is a significant difference between preference and desire. We may prefer certain things, such as being healthy instead of being sick, but we shouldn’t become attached to them. Eventually, our health will deteriorate, and if we are too attached to it, we will suffer. The same principle applies to many aspects of our lives. It is preferable to be wealthy. However, one should not be overly attached to it, or life becomes a stressful struggle to maintain it. Not being attached to things and experiences leads to being calm, present, and aware of the environment without judging it and without experiencing desire or aversion.

2. Positive Motivation Leads To Procrastination

The issue with positive motivation, motivational speakers, books, and events is that they do not effectively address procrastination. They concentrate on adopting a mindset for action rather than on the actual execution of tasks. While they may offer temporary motivation, they do not lead to lasting change. To achieve lasting results, shifting focus from stimulating positive motivation to engaging in mundane processes is necessary.

How does this approach align with the concept of non-attachment? There is no need to cling to the idea that motivation is a prerequisite for beginning a task. Rather than striving for motivation before acting, one should simply act. Acknowledge your tendencies to procrastinate, accept them, and proceed with the work regardless.

When you listen to accomplished and productive writers discuss their workflow, you will find that they do not rely on motivation or inspiration to initiate their writing. They adhere to a routine, a process, and follow it consistently, irrespective of their mood. Waiting for motivation is characteristic of beginners, while professionals show up and complete the work.

3. Searching For Certainty Leads To Misery

Nothing in life is certain. Trying to find certainty only leads to misery. You may work hard and do your best, and yet you can get fired if the company struggles. You may love your partner, and yet they may leave you tomorrow. Accepting that the future is unpredictable and uncertain and enjoying the life you have now is a good antidote to constant anxiety and feeling stressed about the future. Do your best and enjoy it. Accept that it may not last, and in fact, it won’t last as, ultimately, everyone dies.

Because of the speed of change and our higher expectations from life, we tend to postpone our satisfaction with life for the future. “I will slow down when I get promoted.” “I need to make more money so I can buy a house, then I can slow down and be happy.” “I’m too busy now. I will start exercising in a couple of months when I finish this project.”

The problem with this mindset is that we are too optimistic about the future. We believe that when the current set of tasks finishes, we will miraculously have more time for what truly matters. And we don’t. Once the current project finishes, there will be two others waiting. There will never be the perfect future we keep waiting for. There will never be a better time to start doing things that we believe are important.

The best time to start is now, regardless of how busy you believe you are. If you believe your good health is critical and you know you need to exercise regularly, then start today. Even if it means you have to drop something else from your schedule. Even if it is not completed, stop distracting yourself with low-priority tasks and things that are not super important in the long run.

4. Keeping Your Options Open Leads To Emptiness

Keeping our options open is, in any case, a misnomer. You might believe you have the freedom to do as you please and that your options are open, but that’s just a theory. In reality, by doing so, you are closing off some options regardless.

A friend of mine embodies what is now known as a digital nomad. She works as a translator across multiple languages and enjoys traveling. She would visit a couple of countries each year and obviously relishes it. She hasn’t settled on a location. She keeps her options open. However, at some point, she realized that by doing so, one option was rapidly closing in on her: starting a family. While traveling and living independently, relishing her freedom and keeping all options open, she began to grasp the importance of the one option slipping away from her.

This is the harsh reality of our lives. Even if we resist committing to a particular path, by default, we are still committing to something nonetheless. By leading the life of a digital nomad on your terms, with complete freedom, you are forfeiting the possibility of living a life with others.

Whether we like it or not, we are social beings. We need other individuals in our lives. We must come to terms with sacrificing some of our individual freedom to regulate our schedules for shared management. In the long run, it is much more fulfilling as we still possess a degree of control, but more importantly, we feel that we belong to a family, a community, and a society. There is a reason why many societies have mechanisms in place to cultivate a sense of community. Various festivities, holidays, and weekends are designed for spending time with your family and community. You may opt for the life of a digital nomad, being everywhere and not belonging anywhere. Alternatively, you can choose to commit to a specific community, adapt to its schedules and rhythms, and experience a sense of belonging. You may find it considerably more gratifying.

Acceptance Is The Answer

Acceptance is the answer. The only way to alleviate this anxiety is to acknowledge that insecurity is a natural part of life for one simple reason: change. Everything is in constant flux, including ourselves, evolving with each passing day and new experience. Clinging to the idea of stability and security is ultimately futile. Striving for security in a world of perpetual change would require isolating oneself from life, effectively ceasing to live.

This begs the question: what would be the purpose? You might erect barriers around yourself to increase your sense of security and keep others out. However, these same barriers would also confine you, preventing you from fully engaging with life and all its possibilities.

The issue with our pursuit of happiness, trying to shape the world according to our desires, has a major flaw. In general, we lack control. We are unable to control other people, nature, job security, or whether our home will catch fire. Linking our happiness to elements beyond our control sets us up for disappointment. In such situations, all we can do is hope or pray. Embracing the world as it is, acknowledging that only a few things are within our control, and concentrating solely on those is a more effective approach to attain tranquility, if not happiness.

Putting It All Together

Acceptance is the way to deal with this world of ever-expanding opportunities.

1. Instead of being attached to your possessions, relationships, and life, accept that everything is temporary and you may lose it one day. Enjoy what you have right now.

2. Instead of looking for positive motivation and procrastinating, set the right routines and processes and get going right now.

3. Instead of worrying about all the things you can’t experience and waiting for the right time, start enjoying the few you can right now.

4. Instead of trying to be more efficient in managing more things, commit to a few of the really important ones, and accept that you will miss out on the rest.

What are your thoughts on Acceptance? What are the things, behaviors and attitudes that make your life miserable? Do you think I forgot something important? Comment below!

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