The dichotomy of control is one of the cornerstones of Stoicism. Some things are within our control, and some things are not. What might be surprising for someone living in the 21st century, where we are conditioned to believe we have freedom, can do whatever we want, and are responsible for our own fortune, is how little we actually truly control.

The Stoic dichotomy of control offers profound insights into the art of living well. At its core, this concept distinguishes between what is within our control—our own thoughts, feelings, and actions—and what is not, including the behavior of others, external events, and outcomes.

Understanding The Dichotomy Of Control

Originating from the teachings of Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher of the first century AD, the Dichotomy of Control is encapsulated in the opening lines of his handbook, the Enchiridion:

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.” – Epictetus

According to Stoicism, we have within our power only our opinions, pursuits, desires, and aversions. What is outside our control is our reputation, thoughts, and behaviors of other people, but also our property and our body.

When you think about it even a little, it makes intuitive sense. You may believe that your house is in your control, but it can burn down tomorrow. You may believe that your body is in your control, but you may get cancer tomorrow. It is really only your thoughts, judgments, opinions, values, and decisions that are fully under your control. For the rest, you may try to influence it, but you don’t control it.

Consider a typical example being used throughout the ages to explain what is under one’s control. You are an archer, and you want to hit a moving target, let’s say a deer, so you have food for your family. What do you truly have under your control? You are completely in control of selecting a bow and an arrow. You are in control of your practice shooting and moving targets. You can select the right moment to shoot at the animal. However, once you let the arrow go, you are not in control anymore. The arrow takes some time to travel. There can be a wind to blow it off course. The animal can move. And you miss. You have done your best, and you have still failed. Should you get angry? Should you blame yourself for being a failure? No. You have done your best with things that were under your control. The rest was a chance. There is little point in worrying or getting upset with things you don’t have under your control. What good would it do?

If you feel that there are things that are partially under your control that you can influence, you are unnecessarily complicating things. In the end, everything can be broken down into small enough pieces that are either under our control or not.

This simple yet profound principle forms the bedrock of Stoicism, emphasizing the importance of focusing our efforts on our own actions and attitudes while maintaining equanimity toward everything outside our control. The dichotomy of control teaches us to invest our energy wisely, cultivating inner virtues such as wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, rather than being overly concerned with externalities that we cannot influence.

You Are Not Disturbed By Events But By Your Judgment Of Them

As the Stoics would say, you are not disturbed by the event but by your judgment of that event. This is visible every time two people react differently to the same event.

Let’s say there are layoffs at the company, and two of your colleagues are let go. They are both single, have the same salary, and generally have the same life experiences, education, and possessions. Yet, one gets angry and sees being fired as a huge catastrophe. The other gets rattled a bit but quickly recovers and starts talking about seeing this as an opportunity to finally change a career or start their own business.

One is miserable looking at the future with gloom and at the employer with hatred. The second one is just fine, looking at the future with optimism, and is grateful to the employer for the skills learned on the job that can be used in the next gig. The first one then goes to Glassdoor or social media to vent their frustration, trying to hurt as many people as possible in the process. The second one collects recommendations from their bosses and colleagues and focuses on getting a new job.

The same thing happened to these two people. Yet, their judgment of it was very different, and therefore, their subsequent behavior diverged hugely. We don’t control what happens to us. We do control how we judge it and how we respond to it.

“It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgments concerning them.” – Epictetus

This applies even to things like road rage. You might be driving on a highway, and someone dangerously cuts in front of you. Instead of starting to yell at them and curse, you may tell yourself, “I knew before I started that some people drive dangerously, and even though it may be upsetting, it is important to me to keep inner peace. They drive dangerously, and there is nothing I can do about it. However, if I get upset, it would be I who would destroy my inner peace.” Just let it go. Your goal was to get from A to B while keeping inner peace, and you have done that.

Accept The World As It Is

Understanding what is and what is not under your control also requires you to accept the world as it is. Don’t try to demand that the world adjusts to your expectations. Don’t try to demand that things happen the way you want them to happen. You are not five years old anymore.

Life is not fair, and the universe owes you nothing. By getting angry that your mail didn’t come on time, that it rained during your vacations, or that your boss decided not to give you a raise, you are not doing yourself any favors. You are freaking out about things outside of your control. Accept the world as it is, and you will be able to maintain inner peace.

Don’t Get Attached To Things

The dichotomy of control has an impact even on the attitude towards ownership. As noted at the beginning, we don’t have under our control even things like our bodies.

Do you think you actually own the things you “own” legally? Not really. You may lose them in a heartbeat. Your house can burn down, your car can be stolen, your computer can stop working, and your coffee cup can get broken. Even your body can stop working at a moment’s notice. It is foolish to keep running after accumulating more and more stuff or to attach your sense of accomplishment and happiness to it.

Even things like your body can fail you. If you are proud of your beauty and spend tons of time and money to make your face even more beautiful, you are creating a possible future disappointment and misery. What happens when the natural aging catches up with you? Your body won’t be as it used to be, and with that, will go down your pride, your sense of self, and your happiness.

If you are rich or were born beautiful, enjoy it and be grateful for it. But don’t take it for granted, and be ready to lose it tomorrow. When your house then burns down, tell yourself, “It was just a house, and I knew it might burn down.” And this applies even to your health. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of yourself. On the contrary, living a healthy and active life is a reasonable thing to do, and it is in accordance with human nature.

However, when even after spending your days exercising, your body still fails you. You will be mentally ready for it, and it won’t get you into a depression. It is just a body, and you don’t have it completely under your control. You have done your best to maintain it in good shape, yet nature, genetics, or circumstances caused it to fail.

As difficult as it is, this applies even to your loved ones. When someone close to you dies, you should be ready for it. It is extremely difficult, but being able to say to yourself, “I always knew that one of us would have to die first, and I guess it just happened. That’s a natural thing and not something under my control. I’m grateful for all the great moments we had together.”

Not owning anything has secondary implications. You shouldn’t feel pride in things, so-called in your possessions, as they are not yours to take pride in. Do you congratulate yourself on having a great car? Well, you didn’t build it, did you? It was the engineers who designed it and the workers who built it. Why should you then take credit for something others have done that somehow ended up in your possession? That isn’t a particularly virtuous thing to do.

You may enjoy the things you have, but don’t get too attached to them, and don’t let them distract you from your life’s purpose. You may entertain yourself a bit, but keep in mind that all things will end eventually, and be ready for it.

Potential Negatives And Critiques

While the Dichotomy of Control provides a resilient framework for personal well-being, critics argue that it may lead to passivity or disengagement from societal issues. Some fear it encourages a withdrawal from active participation in public life or from striving to change unjust circumstances.

However, Stoicism advocates for action in accordance with virtue and for the common good, distinguishing between futile attempts to control the uncontrollable and taking responsible action within one’s sphere of influence. The Stoic virtues of justice and courage require us to do our duty and play the roles assigned to us by society.

The Dichotomy Of Control In The 21st Century

In our modern age, characterized by constant connectivity and the relentless pursuit of more, the Stoic Dichotomy of Control offers a counterpoint to the prevailing narrative. It encourages us to find contentment and peace in a world that often seems beyond our control.

Mindfulness and Focus: By recognizing the limits of our control, we can live more mindfully, focusing on the present moment and on what we can actually influence.

Reducing Anxiety: Understanding what is outside our control can significantly reduce anxiety and stress related to outcomes we cannot determine.

Empowerment through Responsibility: Emphasizing personal responsibility for our thoughts and actions empowers us to change our lives from the inside out.

Engagement with Compassion: Acknowledging that others’ behaviors are outside our control fosters a more compassionate and tolerant viewpoint.

Technology and Information Overload: Use the Dichotomy of Control to navigate the digital world, focusing on meaningful interactions and information consumption.

Environmental Concerns: Engage in sustainable practices and advocacy within your capacity, accepting that broader outcomes are the result of collective action.

Social and Political Engagement: Participate actively in civic life, voting, and community service, recognizing that the final results depend on many factors beyond individual control.

Ten Tips And Exercises For Practicing The Stoic Dichotomy Of Control

The Stoic dichotomy of control, a fundamental principle of Stoicism, teaches us to distinguish between what is and isn’t within our control. Applying this wisdom can significantly enhance our peace of mind, resilience, and effectiveness. Here are ten practical tips and exercises, each illuminated by the insights of Stoic philosophers.

By practicing these tips and exercises, we can better apply the Stoic dichotomy of control in our lives, leading to greater peace of mind, resilience, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

Remember, it’s not the events themselves that disturb us but our reactions to them, and through Stoicism, we can learn to navigate life’s challenges with grace and equanimity.

1. Identify What You Can Control

Distinguishing between what is within our control and what isn’t is foundational in practicing Stoicism. By creating lists that separate personal actions, intentions, and judgments from external factors like other people’s opinions or global events, we cultivate a focused mindset on our own sphere of influence, reducing unnecessary stress over the uncontrollable.

“Some things are in our control and others not.” – Epictetus, Enchiridion

Exercise: Make two lists – one for things within your control (your actions, judgments, intentions) and another for things outside your control (other people’s opinions, global events). Regularly review and update these lists based on your daily experiences to remind yourself of what is and what is not under your control.

2. Practice Acceptance Daily

Daily acceptance of life’s events as part of our destined path allows us to embrace what comes with equanimity. This practice of morning intention and evening reflection helps us navigate the day’s challenges with a sense of peace, understanding that what truly matters is how we respond to our circumstances.

“Accept whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, for what could more aptly fit your needs?” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Exercise: Each morning, remind yourself to accept whatever the day brings. Reflect on this intention in the evening, noting any challenges to acceptance you encountered.

3. Focus On Your Reactions

Our distress often stems not from external events but from our perceptions of them. By pausing to analyze our reactions and deliberately choosing to view situations through a lens of control and virtue, we gain the power to maintain inner calm and resilience in the face of adversity.

“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.” – Epictetus

Exercise: When upset by an external event, pause to examine how your interpretation contributes to your distress. Rewrite the narrative, focusing solely on aspects you can control.

4. Set Intentions Based On Virtue

Setting weekly intentions to embody specific virtues acts as a guide for our actions, ensuring they align with Stoic principles. This practice encourages us to live out our ideals in tangible ways, fostering a life of integrity and purpose regardless of external pressures.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

Exercise: At the start of each week, set an intention to embody a specific virtue (e.g., wisdom, courage) in your actions, regardless of external circumstances.

5. Engage In Reflective Journaling

Journaling offers a space to reflect on our daily choices and behaviors, emphasizing those within our control and aligned with our values. This exercise enhances self-awareness and commitment to living virtuously, helping us to recognize and adjust our actions accordingly.

“When the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent, I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” – Seneca

Exercise: Keep a daily journal reflecting on your actions and choices, focusing on those within your control and aligning with your core values.

6. Embrace Mindful Consumption Of Information

Intentionally choosing which information to consume and focusing on what is actionable and beneficial guards against the anxiety and distraction of information overload. This discipline fosters a calm, focused mind, capable of engaging with the world constructively.

“It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable.” – Seneca

Exercise: Be intentional about your media consumption, focusing on information that is actionable and beneficial, and avoiding passive scrolling through news or social media that may cause anxiety.

7. Cultivate Gratitude For The Present

Practicing gratitude shifts our focus from desiring what we lack to appreciating what we have. This simple yet powerful exercise cultivates contentment and joy in the present moment, counteracting the discontent bred by constant yearning for more.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.” – Epicurus

Exercise: Practice daily gratitude by listing three things you are thankful for, focusing on aspects of your life that are within your control.

8. Practice Voluntary Discomfort

Intentionally embracing discomfort strengthens our resilience and reminds us that happiness is not dependent on external comfort or pleasure. This exercise prepares us to face life’s inevitable hardships with grace and fortitude, valuing inner strength over material ease.

“If you feared losing your wealth, set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: Is this the condition that I feared?” – Seneca

Exercise: Once a month, practice voluntary discomfort (e.g., fasting, cold showers) to remind yourself that happiness doesn’t depend on external conditions.

9. Limit Your Desires

Focusing on controlling our desires rather than indulging them leads to true freedom. By consciously reducing the power of distracting or distressing desires, we find greater satisfaction in simplicity and the essentials of life, fostering inner peace and contentment.

“Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.” – Epictetus

Exercise: Identify one desire that frequently distracts or distresses you and commit to reducing its hold over you, focusing on appreciating what you already have.

10. Develop Compassion Through Understanding

Reflecting on our own faults before criticizing others cultivates compassion and empathy. This practice encourages us to approach interactions with understanding and kindness, recognizing our shared humanity and the universal challenges we all face.

“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” – Marcus Aurelius

Exercise: Before judging or criticizing others, reflect on your own similar faults or challenges, fostering empathy and understanding.

Putting It All Together

The Stoic dichotomy of control remains a powerful approach to personal and societal well-being. By distinguishing between what we can and cannot control, we can navigate the complexities of modern life with greater serenity, effectiveness, and compassion.

In embracing the wisdom of the Stoic dichotomy of control, we find not only a philosophy for life but a practical guide for living well in any era, including the challenging landscape of the 21st century.

What do you believe are things under your control? How do you get comfortable with the knowledge that something you care about is not under your control? How did the Stoic dichotomy of control impact your life? Share in the comments below.

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