Being recognized and praised will make you feel valued. Yet, almost 70% of people feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when recognized.

However, not much attention is given to how to accept positive feedback. It might be cultural since lots of the literature is written by US authors, and in North America and some countries in Western Europe, you are being conditioned from a young age to receive and, in fact, even expect positive encouragement and recognition. How difficult can it be to receive words of praise?

Very difficult. Especially when you are an introvert or come from cultures that preach humility and focus on helping others rather than getting into the spotlight yourself.

I’m an introvert who comes from a culture that tends to criticize more than praise. I have no problems receiving negative feedback, and I always try to get the most from it and improve. What I struggle with is when someone tries to say something positive about my work. I feel awkward. I never know what to say, and I often believe that the praise is exaggerated. I was just doing my job. Have you ever experienced some of these situations?

• Your boss: “This was a great presentation. I was really impressed.”
• You: “Umm, just doing my job.”

• Your colleague: “Thank you so much for helping me with this task. You are a lifesaver.”
• You: “Umm, no problem.”

• Your boss at a big meeting: “I want to thank Tomas, who was leading the charge and made this happen.”
• You: “Umm, yeah, it was a team effort.”

By itself, the inability to take praise wouldn’t be a big problem if it wasn’t for the side effects. If someone provides you with well-meant praise, they deserve some heartfelt response. More importantly, once you are in a leadership role, it is your job to provide well-balanced feedback and positive praise to your team. If you don’t like receiving praise, chances are you are not good at giving it either.

How to receive positive feedback

What can you do to be more comfortable with getting words of encouragement and thanks? It is very simple: say “thank you” and smile.

Have the mindset that the praise and recognition is a gift to you. You don’t want to embarrass the other person by refusing it. Don’t worry about their motives. Accept it at face value. Even if they don’t feel sincere, it is not your place to judge them. Just accept it.

Once you get comfortable with this simple act, you may consider a more elaborate answer to a compliment. For example:

• “Thank you. I’m glad you liked it.”
• “Thank you, you just made my day.”
• “Thank you. I appreciate you let me know how it helped you.”
• “Thank you for noticing. I’m glad that someone appreciates the work I’ve done.”

Sometimes, others may compliment you for something that was truly a team effort or done by someone else. In these situations, you still want them to feel good about providing the praise but don’t want to take credit for something you haven’t done.

• “Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it, but it was Jane who prepared the presentation. I will pass the praise when I see her today.”
• “Thank you for noticing. It was actually Fred who was responsible for this project. I’m sure he would appreciate if you dropped by and thanked him personally.”

The simple act of accepting praise by saying “Thank you” will accomplish several things:

• It shows you appreciate the thanks – let’s face it, deep inside, we all like being appreciated, so you are not faking it. If you learn to react this way, you may even get more comfortable with praise and enjoy it. By saying thanks and smiling, the person giving you positive feedback will also feel good. It is a win-win situation.
• You don’t marginalize the praise – when you try to deflect a compliment by saying things like, “It was nothing,” it may hurt the person giving the praise. Chances are that what you did means “something” to that person, so if you marginalize the praise, you also judge the person giving it.
• It gives you a chance to listen – as with negative feedback, there can be a hidden gold in the information surrounding the compliment. Listen to why the praise is given to you. You may unearth future opportunities to repeat a good job or even discover talents you didn’t know you had. Outsiders may see things in you that you don’t, so listening to the feedback and not cutting it short or dismissing it is important if you want to understand yourself.
• You embrace it but stay humble – there is always a danger you overplay the response the other way and hype it to levels not intended. When you embrace the praise, make sure you stay grounded and humble. With a simple “thank you,” that is exactly what you accomplish.
• You will learn to enjoy the small things in life – happiness starts with the small things. Accepting praise for small things and learning to enjoy them will make you feel better about yourself and the world. You must realize that others probably don’t compliment you without a reason. You did something that caused the other person to offer praise, so there is no reason why you should feel awkward about it. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal for you, but it might be for someone else. So feel happy for them.
• It will remind you to praise others – once you realize how good this feels and stop being uncomfortable about it, you will also remind yourself that others may enjoy positive feedback and praise. That will make you a better colleague and a better leader.

How do you praise others?

If you learn to accept positive praise, you are more likely to give it to others. When the roles turn, and you want to give a compliment to someone else, follow this simple formula: be authentic, be specific, praise the effort, and show the impact.

• Be authentic – people need to feel that you mean what you are saying. Being authentic in your praise so people can feel you are speaking from your heart is the single most important thing that will have the biggest impact. Even a simple “thank you” coming from the heart is much more powerful than a long speech read from a book.
• Be specific – describe what exactly you are complimenting. Saying “a great job” is much weaker than saying “Thank you for preparing the presentation. Everyone was blown away by the research you have done.”
• Praise the effort – it is not only about the results but about the process and the effort that went into it. We often say things like “Great job of finishing the project on time,” but it doesn’t articulate the amount of work the person put into it. Saying something like this is much more powerful: “Thank you for working overtime to finish the project on time. I know you sacrificed your last weekend, and I appreciate you went above and beyond.”
• Show the impact – if you can show the positive impact the person had on the lives of others, especially you, the better. “Thank you for the hard work on the presentation. It helped the team to sell the idea to the management, and we won the project. We wouldn’t have got it without you.”

Putting it all together

As the author and executive coach Marshall Goldsmith said, “Some people have trouble accepting a compliment. Have you ever said something nice about a friend’s attire, and your friend brushed it off with, “Oh, this? I haven’t worn it in years.” The correct response is “Thank you,” not attacking your judgment and kindness.”

So next time someone compliments you, stop fighting it and inventing ways to deflect, but smile and say “Thank You.”

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What are your thoughts on the topic? Do you struggle with accepting praise and compliments? What are your tips on how to feel more comfortable with being complimented? And how do you give positive feedback to others? Write your thoughts in the comment section below.

Photo: Generated with ChatGPT/Dall-E

Based on Why Introverts Need To Learn To Accept Praise.